Although the focus of this blog is to focus on the grief bubble I am now living, I feel I need to explain how Adam came to be in my life to try and share how incredible he was during his life. He is the single most amazing man I have ever had the privilege of having in my life. If grief is love with nowhere to go, that is the only proof needed that I truly loved him with everything I had. Being with him made me a better person, a better parent and the best version of myself – For this I can never thank him enough for everything he did for me in our short time together.

10^th July 2024

Let’s set the scene. Single mum to two boys, one with SEN needs. They go to their dads every other weekend but its fractious and hard work pre & post visit. Eldest in school, youngest in nursery and I was signed off from work with stress with the divorce, house sale and buying a house. Oh, and the house we were selling flooded 2 weeks before we were due to move out leaving us homeless. I was living in an Air B&B with the boys with no moving date yet with storage costs building up. So basically, my life was a bit of a shit show. Trying to smile my way through it.

July 10^th England were due to play Netherlands in the semi-final of the Euros. I had planned a babysitter to come and sit in the air B&B once the boys were asleep whilst I went to a friend’s and watched the football. It was nice to get out and feel like me for a bit. Plus, I’d always been into football having played for 14 years. As I wasn’t sure how the game would pan out, I booked the babysitter 7:30-10:30 – I didn’t want to have to leave mid penalty shootout. Due to a 90^th minute winner by England that wasn’t necessary. Once the football was done my friends 12 year old son told us to leave the house – we came to watch football, that was now finished, and we were shown the door. For some this would be rude to the Nth degree – but I just love the mind of an autistic child, and to be fair, he did have a point! But I still had 30 minutes of babysitting time that I had paid for – this time is precious when I had such little freedom. So, I took myself to the pub for one last drink. I had probably had enough to drink but I was finally happy – kids safely tucked up, done my exercise for the day, few drink with friends and could finally see life looking up. One more wouldn’t hurt!

I walked into the local pub – I still hadn’t got used to being in a village with a pub. Where I was moving from had an Indian takeaway but no pub. It was so novel! I ordered a drink and stood at the bar. I had been in such a rush getting the boys back, fed and asleep that I was still in my gym gear – hair scraped back, leggings and a bright yellow hoody from Leeds marathon. Not the freshest or nicest of looks but I wasn’t out to impress anyone and it was so comfy! I ended up in the most random conversation with an old guy at the bar. This man would not stop talking. Football first then moved onto politics. I told him that I had had too many drinks for this conversation and fancied a nice, chilled drink instead of a political debate but he was a dog with a bone. Brexit and Nigel Farage are not the best way to open conversation with me – it was like a red rag to a bull! Until I saw the time at it was 10:27. I still had half a pint and being a proper Yorkshire Bird I asked if they had a plastic cup so I could take my drink with me. The babysitter I used to work in the bar so I joked with the barman that if I didn’t get home soon, she’d kill me. With my drink in a plastic cup I sprinted up the hill back to the air B&B. 

I managed to get back bang on 10:30 and the babysitter was pretty coy with me and asked if I had a nice night. I couldn’t put my finger on why she was being odd but I put it down to the last pint I had had. As I finished my drink in the kitchen, I got a facebook notification with a friend request. “Adam Anderson has sent you a friend request” – at this point in the evening my eyes were a bit squiffy, and I thought it said Adam Adamson and all I could think was that his parents must have hated him for calling him that. That was just the beer goggles though. It took a good minute for me to connect the dots but I sent him a message since he’d gone to the effort to find me (messaging someone else who worked behind the bar to find out who my babysitter was working for – I realised after I hadn’t even given him my name!). And the rest they say, is history.

Although I hadn’t spent that many nights in the pub I couldn’t believe that our paths had never crossed before.  Since I sent that first message that was it – constantly in communication. Trying not to be too keen but there was just something about this man that drew me in. The following weekend I didn’t have the boys. I met my friends for an early drink in the pub – the plan was to go for a couple at 4 then head home. I had been with another friend through the day at a scarecrow festival with her two boys. Felt like a lovely weekend to chill out and relax. 4pm came and we had a few drinks but the pub was busy and lively and there was a singer on soon. I knew Adam was working but it was so busy I couldn’t really see anyone behind the bar. Then a tattooed arm appeared over my shoulder and from behind he asked me if I had had fun at the scarecrow festival. I tried to be cool and play it down but my heart was beating so hard I could barely get my words out. He was so close to me and my whole body was on high alert. We ended up in the beer garden having the most awkward yet hilarious conversation. I couldn’t even tell you exactly what was said but I knew this would be the first of many. By the end of the night, I was pretty much dragging him over the bar dancing like an absolute fool with him and let him walk me home at the end of the night.

The following morning the penny dropped that I needed this man in my life. I knew there and then that no matter how much I tried to put the brakes on things it would have made no difference – I was falling so hard and fast that this was the man that I was going to build my life back up with and enjoy life again. And that was the beginning of the best year of my life.