I managed a laugh this week.
I forgot about my new reality,
Just for an hour I got some reprieve.
Then the crippling grief came knocking,
And once more I am unable to breathe.

It arrives as subtle as a sledgehammer,
An unwelcome guest in my life,
Rendering me incapable; the living thief.
Those slithers of joy I am told to look for,
Collide with an unbalanced tsunami of grief.

The burden of living feels so heavy,
Doing it without you feels empty.
The best of me left with you that day.
I miss who I was with you,
Rebuilding fragile and fractured, wishing you could stay.

No day survived without crying myself to sleep,
The dreams vivid, thick and fast,
Representative of a life no longer secure.
At least I can wake from them,
Reality is a heartbreak I am forced to endure.

I am trying. Trying to live.
Trying to do it for you like you would want,
But I am so tired. Tired down to the bone.
I am clinging to us one day being reunited,
Then I can breathe; back with you, I will be home.